Letter 83
by only-because3
Summary: I inched my way towards the end of the bed and picked up the note that was written on a receipt from the cafe downtown I liked so much. Now that I think about it, it was a receipt from your mom's cafe.


So, I've been in a oneshot mood. This one started out as a story my friend kinda wrotte. It was basiclly the outline and she let me take it and add bunches of details and then I tweaked it to make it into a fanfiction. I'm proud of it but I'm not sure how it turned out, I don't think it's my best. BUt, I hope you guys enjoy!

Lucas,

One night Peyton dragged me to yet another random party on yet another random Saturday night. But the eighth of November wasn't just another Saturday, it was the day I lost my virginity. I know you don't want to hear this but please just sick it out okay?

At first, it was an awesome party, just like Peyton said it would be. We spent two hours drinking, laughing, dancing. We had a few drinks, back when we still thought of ten as a 'few'. Peyton had long since ditched me in favor of an empty bedroom upstairs and Nathan. I stumbled my way outside, my stomach churning. I fell down to my knees by the tree in the front yard, everything in my stomach fell onto the wet grass underneath me. While I was vomiting, somebody came up behind me and pulled my hair back, a simple act of kindness., Even in my drunken state I knew the person behind me wasn't drunk, because no drunk teenager would look twice at somebody throwing up on the lawn.

Once I was done, the person helped me off of the ground and I finally realized it was the guy I had been talking to earlier. I wasn't too sure on his name, I wasn't even sure if he had told me, the only thing I was sure about was that he was a senior and I a sophomore. He smiled at me, a friendly grin and I specifically remember smiling back with a goofy grin before laughing hysterically. I always find everything hilarious when I'm drunk, you know that. He kept the smile on his face as he led me into the house and up the stairs.

When we reached the top floor he started grabbing at me roughly, I wasn't drunk enough to be totally out of it though, not by far. I tried to push him off, loosing my balance in the process. I fell, realizing then that three inch heels and alcohol wasn't a good combination. He picked me up off the floor and took me into a bedroom. He placed me on the bed before pulling on my skirt. I tried to push him off but my limbs felt like Jell-O. Now, he wasn't taking any more of my crap. Now, instead of being kind and gentle like he was before, he's violent and mean.

He ripped my skirt while trying to get it off, and he threw it along with my underwear across the room. He did it with such haste and carelessness you would've thought it was tissue paper and he was a little boy trying to get to his present as quickly as possible. He licked his lips as he looked down at the newly naked half of my body. I squirmed underneath him, trying to sit up but he pushed me back down. His hands were placed firmly around my wrists and I was trying to do anything I could to get him off. I tried kicking him but he was too strong. All of his weight was on my body and in my state, I didn't have the strength to push him off.

I can't remember for sure if I said anything. My mouth seemed like it was sewn shut and my eyes refused to close. I didn't think it was actually happening. I think somewhere through out it all I must've said 'No' or 'Stop' because he laughed at me and said that I was pretty when I begged. I do remember crying though. I cried and cried and his smile just got even bigger. I couldn't believe he was raping me. I was loosing my virginity due to rape. That kind of thing doesn't happen in Tree Hill. It didn't happen to people like me. It only happened in Lifetime movies or books, it didn't happen in real life. Why the hell was it happening to me?

It seemed to last forever, the continuous pounding. His hands squeezed tight around my wrists, so tight that it made me want to cry out. One of his hands left my wrist only to go to my breast where he squeezed so hard, that I actually screamed out in pain which only made him smirk. I had no sense of time, it felt like hours even though it'd only been minutes before he was done (premature ejaculation anyone?). Before he got off me, he kissed me sweetly, returning to how he was before my skirt was off and his pants were down. The kiss in all it's sweetness was vile and horrible. You'd think that after what had just taken place I'd be thankful for some kindness from that fucktard but no, it made me want to spit in his face and yell in disgust.

When he was finally off of me, I almost blacked out. I could feel the churning in the pit of my stomach once more and I immediately rolled over so I didn't throw up on the bed. That time I threw up because I was so disgusted, with my rapist and with myself. When I threw up that time, nobody came up behind me, no 'kind' person holding my hair back so it didn't get mixed into the stream of vomit that was coming out of my mouth. Once I was done, I sat slowly up on the bed, the asshole no where in sight. I looked around, afraid that he might pop out of the shadows of the room. He didn't, he was already long gone, smiling satisfactorily. He did leave behind a note that sat at the foot of the bed. I would've laughed had the situation been any different. What on earth could he have said in the note?

_Dear person whom I have not been formally introduced with,_

Thanks for the unsuspected and unwilling sex. I'm so happy that you didn't put up much of a fight while I popped your cherry. You were sufficiently inebriated and nice which made you the perfect victim for me tonight. Hope math class isn't awkward for us tomorrow.

Yours forever,

Senior Class Rapist

I inched my way towards the end of the bed and picked up the note that was written on a receipt from the cafe downtown I liked so much. Now that I think about it, it was a receipt from your mom's cafe.

_Tell anyone and I'll make you regret it._

What a wonderful note. Had I made it home that night, I would've had it framed and placed with all my other certificates and trophies. What a joke right? I remember putting my underwear back on slowly, I was so sore from what had just happened. My skirt was ruined so I sifted through the dresser in the room and found a pair of basketball shorts that I put on. I didn't even try to go home, I already knew I wouldn't make it. The furthest I got was downstairs where I ended up crashing on the couch.

The next morning I woke up to Nathan gently shaking me. Turns out that it was his house. We had a nice breakfast even though I wanted to cry the whole time during our mindless chitchat. Even though I hadn't been close to Nathan in years, he noticed that something was wrong and asked me about it when we were in the car on the way to school. I think we were both shocked at how quickly and easily I told him. I hadn't thought of telling him but as soon as I opened my mouth it all started spilling out. He was kind about it, and even though I knew it was genuine, it scared me. The last person that was kind to me raped me. He decided to drop me off at my house instead of school and called Peyton who immediately came over. See? Nathan wasn't really that bad. He was a jackass but he pulled through when I needed him to.

When I returned to school a week later, I was suddenly labeled as 'slut'. Tyler, who I later discovered was my rapist, had gone around saying that I had slept with him the night of the party and then slept with a group of his friends. The whole month that was left until the end of the school year was hell for me. I last saw him walking out of Karen's Cafe the day before his graduation.

During the summer that followed I realized that I wasn't going to be able to shake the label that I was given so instead I embraced it. Sex was already so tainted to me that I never enjoyed the meaningless random sex that I had. Yes, they were always gentle with me, at least more gentle than Tyler had been and no threats or laughs during. I felt as if that was the only way I'd ever be able to be intimate with someone because of what happened.

But then, I met you. You taught me how to love myself and love someone else. You hurt me though, after being intimate with you and I thought that was to be my fate. To be hurt by everyone who touched my body. I lost a lot of hope then, especially because I trusted and loved you so much.

You made me feel stupid Lucas. You made me feel cheap and like the slut everyone called me. I wasn't sure who to hate then, you or me. You made me believe that there were no good people in the world. The way I saw it, you were like him. You didn't care about me in the situation, you just did as you pleased. You both treated me like some doll that you could play with.

I took a chance letting you in as my friend. I didn't want to because I knew you could hurt me. You proved me wrong though Broody. You made me smile and laugh and I felt like I was someone again. I felt that I finally had someone who truly cared about me. I know I hurt you when I slept with Chris and I can never apologize enough for that. I didn't deserve your forgiveness, but I did need it. Just like you and Peyton needed to be forgiven.

This second time around, I figured it'd be easier to hate both of you again. Even though I 'gave' you to Peyton, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt or that I don't love you anymore. I mean, why else would I have been such a bitch? But I can't do that now because I need to forgive you both and I need you two to forgive me. I hope that you can forget about my bitchiness towards you because I have already forgiven you. I need to put this behind me, put you and Peyton behind me. I need to find hope on my own terms now, I need to know that I'm going to be okay with just me. I need to start over which is what I plan to do next year.

Thanks for what you gave me. It meant more than you will ever know.

Love,

Brooke

or

The Crazy Girl who has more issues than you dreamed


End file.
